I started thinking last night (as I was raising my glass of wine to my mouth) about all the awesome things moms do. Maybe it's not just moms but when I'm in that "mom perspective" all day, I tend to gravitate my feelings toward it. I feel like a lot that we do can go unnoticed. And this is where I let you know that I had a hard day yesterday.
Not because anything even went wrong. I actually got to leave the house alone yesterday morning (which is now SO rare with no family support here) and got some chiro work done on my hip before my half on Saturday. I'm pretty good at absorbing the little downfalls in a day and shaking them off, but something has been building that has clearly lead to me needing a break.
Yesterday was just a build up that lead to me cracking. Or, as I like to refer to it: I needed a time-out.
I've entered a space where I can't go back to who I used to be (pre-baby), but not quite sure of who I'm suppose to be; I'm suspended in the air of who I am. And let me tell you, it's not a nice place to be. It's filled with uncertainty, anxiety, some self-doubt, and longing for something.
Sometimes it makes me feel like what I do in a day as a mom isn't important. That it could be more. And then there's the whiny toddler who cries over nothing, like when you ask her to come to you so you can brush her teeth, that just puts you over the edge of wondering if the spa will take you for a month-long visit.
Sometimes I worry that the husband will come home and wonder, what the heck did she even do today? Although that never does come, it does cross my mind.
I'm not saying that being a mom should be easy or even that I wish parenthood would cut me a break more often than not. It's just that I am human and want a break every once in a while like a normal human being needs. I want to take an uninterrupted shower and prep dinner without someone whining on my leg. I want to go from point A (being the house) to point B in an amount of time that my efficient pre-baby-self would have gotten done.
On the other hand, I also want to nurture and grow the most amazing toddler that I can. Teach her how to colour, and count, and recite her ABCs. I want her to know the difference between good and bad. Show her right from wrong. Let her day be full of enjoyment and laughter. Let the impact of any worries absorb through me first.
So where's the give? I guess you just have to know when your limits are being tested and make sure you arrange some time to yourself.
But for now, can we raise our glasses--whether it's coffee or wine!--to all the moms out there doing it all?
Loads of laundry, getting through resisted nap times, cleaning snotty noses X amount of times a day, hearing 'Let It Go' more times than you thought humanly possible, picking up the same toys that were just picked up the few minutes earlier, forcing foods into tiny mouths, giving up their normal sleep, building block castles, and trying to teach the meaning of the word "no" that never quite seem to be understood.
These moms are my heroes, my biggest sources of inspiration, and who I can relate to the most. Or, I hope can relate to me. Because it's ok to have a bad day to really make you appreciate the good days. And that's just what yesterday did for me.
Any moms you want to give a shout out to right now??