Hey guys - it's been a while. I lost my voice for a bit in a lot of areas of my life...my biz, my online presence & my blog (here). But it's back. With that comes an unfortunate story, but those are the ones that help us grow the most. I always think to Grey's Anatomywhere they call her "dark & twisty" Meredith. This story definitely has its dark & twisty moments, but I think it's also through them that you're able to find light + strength.
I have a wonderful family that I'm so blessed with - a wonderful husband & a beautiful daughter who is now four-years-old. They are my lights & the people I turn to for anything - especially hugs ;)
So when my hubby & I decided it was time to maybe expand our family (the time felt right - we had now been living in our new home base for two years & have a good thing going), I successfully got pregnant first time...or so I thought.
What I later discovered through a hard 4ish week (the first 6 left me feeling like myself, thankfully) was that I was experiencing all the worst pregnancy symptoms - always feeling nauseous, extremely tired, turned off to a lot of scents - was actually a byproduct of something else I was going through.
This is where the term 'Molar Pregnancy' comes in.
I had never heard of it before this past Monday. Four mornings ago, I was like anyone else going off to their first midwife appointment to make sure everything was ok (even though I secretly knew everything was not - the body is smart & if you can really tune in and listen to it, it will tell you exactly what you know you need to hear). I had had bleeding for the past week & although this can be common in pregnancies, I knew for me it wasn't. Something was off. The weird part is (at least here in Florida) is that if you're sure of the first day of your last period (which I was), then they don't really recommend doing an ultrasound until the 20-week mark. Twenty weeks. This could have meant a very different scenario for me if I had not pushed to have the ultrasound.
Because lo & behold, once on the ultrasound, there was no baby. The midwives suspected I had a molar pregnancy and to get to the hospital right away, so that's what we did.
Molar pregnancy...two words I had never heard together before. I had no idea what this was & what I would have to go through. So, naturally I took to Google (which by the way, can be helpful, just make sure you're looking at credible sources for your information).
A molar pregnancy is when the embryo is fertilized abnormally. It's like the body rejects it before it has the chance to go any further & cause problems to a future baby. Because it doesn't fetilize properly, this means there is no fetus. Plus, if not caught early can actually turn cancerous & spread throughout the body.
This was a lot to take in. I just wanted to answers from the hospital & what the next step would be. After having a second ultrasound done at the hospital & hours later, I finally got to sit down with the doctor. He confirmed it was a molar pregnancy & that I would be scheduled two days from then to have a D&C. I would also need my bloodwork monitored weekly until my hCG level (aka the pregnancy hormone) got to zero & then would need 6 months of weekly blood work testing after that. If this level rises at all, it's a good indicator that all the molar pregnancy wasn't removed & then I would need to go back to see the doctor again.
The thing with a molar pregnancy is that your hCG level is super elevated - which is why a positive pregnancy test would come up. It's also why you can experience some really bad pregnancy side effects. So in order to check this marker to make sure the molar pregnancy does not turn into anything more severe than just that, you need to refrain from getting pregnant for at least 6 months to a year (depending on your doctor's orders) & hence the regular blood testing.
I went through with my D&C yesterday. It was scary. They threw questions at me like, "In a worst case scenario, are you ok with a full abdominal hysterectomy being performed?" and "Are you ok with a blood transfusion being performed if it's a matter of saving your life?" And although 'worst case scenarios' it's a lot to take in when you're waiting alone in pre-op, you've been poked & prodded more than you would like & you're completely exhausted + still experience the pregnancy symptoms you can't wait to be done with.
And like I said, they were worst case scenarios. The surgery went fine. My only hope is that they were able to remove it all & I can go on to live a healthy live. I will be following up with my essential oil protocol that I will be using to make sure I am in pique shape for conquering this minor setback. But like I said, there is light in these dark situations & lessons to learn.
I mentioned in my Instagram post that I hope that no one I know ever has to go through this. But what I found is that a lot of people actually have or know someone that has. This is scary to me because before Monday, I had never even heard of this term. Yet it happens to 1 in 1,000 women.
Be the light. Be the light in the darkness. That's what this situation has done for me. I hope to move past this & use it to inspire hope + strength + support. The ironic part in this all is that my surgery happened on International Women's Day - when I was feeling my lowest, most vulnerable self. And maybe there was a reason for it all - I mean, I know there is a reason for it all & the significance of the day will not escape me.
I will leave you with that because today is a whole new day. I feel more like myself than I have in the last three months, so I'm taking this blessing & choosing good. I hope you do, too.
Please don't hesitate to reach out to me if you ever have any questions. I'm here to chat whenever: firstname.lastname@example.org
Much love to you all,