Some might think that becoming a wife and mother are the most rewarding days/moments/times/jobs spent in one’s life. And most of that is true. But what about the other days where it’s just damn hard? I sit here after a horrendous morning with my daughter where all she felt compelled to do was whine and cry. And all I can help but do…is do the same. Because this isn’t just a one-day thing. This is a new pattern…or phase I’m hoping.
One that leaves me with less patience than I thought I could have, less compassion for her, and less willingness to just leave her be. It’s a tough place to be in because then I have the internal battle of feeling like a terrible mom and not accepting of her ways of coping/learning to deal with stuff and feeling like I’m responsible for bringing her out of this/helping her through it. It’s hard.
It’s hard to try and be better when you feel so small, and overtired, and defeated.
It’s hard to understand what they’re going through when your understanding of what you’re doing has been completely wiped away.
It’s hard to look after someone you thought you would never want to leave when all you want to do is leave.
It’s just plain hard to be a mother.
But, it’s also hard being a wife, too.
It’s hard for your spouse to truly understand what you’re going through when they’re not there all day (moment to moment) with you. They might see one bad instance that appears in an, otherwise, fantastic day.
They might not understand the approaches you take or why they might have more patience than you. They might also not see that beneath the surface…you’re suffering a little bit.
But don’t get me wrong, they work hard too. Just not in the same way that you do. The demanding, unpredictable, new phase days that you have cannot be compared.
Because it’s always hard. Being a mother and a wife is hard. And sometimes you just need to write a post to let it out and hope that others will understand you and support you.
And although I realize that, yes, today is a hard day, and it too shall past, it doesn’t necessarily pass as fast as you need it to. And sometimes you just need to admit that today sucks (rainbows and butterflies aren’t my style and I’m tired of only seeing them). But tomorrow can be better. Tomorrow will be better.
And maybe I’ll be stronger. Maybe I’ll build up some more patience and compassion. Or maybe I won’t. But admitting that sometimes hard work causes things to happen that you didn’t necessarily want to happen, is OK too. Because sometimes as hard as you work at something, it just needs time and help to fix it. Time to move through it and recognizing that it will make you stronger. Because that’s what hard things do.